Focus on Value

Have you ever noticed that sometimes when you focus intently on a self-improvement goal it seems to get harder to accomplish and even more of a struggle? As a coach, I hear my clients say this a lot and I’m no stranger to this phenomenon myself. Prior to being a self-improvement coach, I struggled too with accomplishing certain goals. I set the goal and made better choices, analyze everything I did, hyperfocus on the things I thought I was doing “wrong” and worked so hard at correcting the issues, yet it felt like I went nowhere. Everyone experiences this with something! Let’s take weight loss as an example. Are you someone who struggles with weight loss? Does it seem like the more you focus on losing weight the harder it is? This is among the top things my clients struggle with, so I have put a lot of thought into why this is such a hard struggle.  First, I believe, people get so down on themselves when they struggle with their appearance and/or weight. Negative self-talk is often the primary theme people use when thinking about their weight issues and often they unfairly compare themselves to others leading to even worse self-esteem. Then they have one “bad day” of eating choices and that sends them to the nearest fast food restaurant for breakfast the next morning. Totally defeated! Whether it be weight loss or any other struggle, we often focus on how we are inadequate, so we focus on the problem (a negative thing) causing inadequacy. Personally, focusing on my problem or hyper focusing on my inadequacy, does not motivate me at all. It makes me feel things like shame and unworthiness. I have found that it doesn’t motivate my clients either. What has helped me as well as many of my clients, however, is to change focus. Let’s stick with weight loss. I ask my client why they want to lose weight. I get an answer like, “To feel better!” While that is a good answer, it is not the root reason. I take it further and ask, “Why do you want to feel better?” I usually get a comment that has to do with being healthier to do fun things with friends/family. I then ask, “Why is doing fun things with friends/family important to you?” My clients usually respond with something like, “I love them and want to spend time with them!” Or “I want to set a good example for my children or grandchildren and be a positive influence in their life.” Of course, I get tons of different answers on this topic depending on the age of my client and so on, but it always boils down to a core value. Quality relationships with friends/family is the core value in this example. Right there should be the focus, quality relationships with loved ones! It’s not just about losing weight. It’s about becoming healthier for a specific reason. The reason for your goal should always be tied to your values. The importance of your value should be your focus. An individual’s reason for doing anything worthwhile in life is tied to their personal values. They are called values for a reason. They are valuable to you. When something is valuable to you, you protect it and you sacrifice more easily for that cause. Core values are always thought of by an individual as something POSITIVE about themselves.  If you are striving toward a self-improvement goal but not getting very far, I encourage you to analyze and discover the core values behind why you are doing it in the first place. There you will find your daily focus toward achieving your goal.