No More Expectations

Do you expect too much out of other people? As a relationship coach, I work a lot with people who are struggling with different relationships in their life. In my opinion, relationships are one of the hardest things to navigate in life. It seems that if we have a relationship(s) in turmoil on a consistent basis, it makes our life overall less happy. If we allow it, by far, the relationship that has the largest impact on our daily happiness is the relationship with a significant other. In couples coaching, I hear phrases like, “If only he/she would”…(fill in the blank). What I have discovered, however, is that when someone is saying that about his or her mate, they really should be turning the spot light back to self. That is a hard truth but a truth none the less. In the past I personally struggled with this in my own life, so I know what a difficult truth it is to come to terms with and accept. Many times we expect other people to fill up what is lacking inside of us. We get into a relationship and it’s wonderful for a while but as time passes, many end up feeling unsatisfied, unfulfilled and lonely or feel like they have needs not being met by their partner. I have heard comments like, “Well, why did they change? I thought I could trust them or I thought they would help me and be good for me.” If you have felt this, it is a good indication to step back and look at the areas of life where you feel someone else is “letting you down.” You will find that is exactly the area of life that you as an individual should deep dive into to determine why you are not fulfilling this need with your own efforts. Now, I am not saying that we should not try and be around people who lift us up, encourage and inspire us. Nor am I saying that people in our lives will never let us down in one way or another but if our daily life is impacted poorly because of someone else, this is a great opportunity for self discovery and self growth. As I often say, our strongest most secure relationship in life should be the relationship we have with ourself. When we master the management of self, then we have taken control of our own emotions and our own needs and we no longer expect others to do or be something for us. The moment we choose to take control of our own emotions and needs is the moment when true relationships and bonds with others can begin to blossom. This is the moment when unconditional love takes over and demands, expectations and selfishness pass away.