Self-Love Does Not = Self-ish

With Valentine's Day this week it is hard not to think about love. Many people get consumed with buying their loved ones candy, flowers and cards but I wondered, how many people did something special for themselves also? It comes natural for us to show the ones we love that we love them but, for some reason, showing ourselves that we love self can seem unnecessary or even silly. In my life coaching practice I have discover that about 8 out of 10 people really struggle with self-love. More often than not, people are not taking care of themselves the way they should. They do not put their most important needs first and they sacrifice to the point of resentment. I have asked why this is and you may be surprised to know the answer. I'm usually told something like "I feel selfish taking care of my needs." Where did this mentality ever come from? I believe this particular way of thinking stems from many different things but the biggest is fear that others will look at us as selfish or self centered, or worse, a narcissist of some kind if we actually act in a way that favors our own best interest. While I can understand that perspective and understand how people might feel that way I think there needs to be a distinction made between, self-loving and self-serving. The difference lies in the intentions. Self-love is not harming someone else. As a matter of fact, when you can embrace the power of self-love your motives toward others becomes even more selfless. The reason why is because you are not needing anything from the other person as far as praise, gratitude, self esteem boost etc. Your intentions in relationship becomes more pure when you internally love yourself and let love for others flow from that love inside. Self-serving is entirely different and I'm guessing speaks for itself. It is self-serving that = selfish not self-love. So how do you show yourself self-love. One way is to stop comparing yourself to others. I'm sure you don't like when someone else compares you to others, so don't do it yourself. Another way is, allow yourself to make mistakes knowing that from those mistakes you grow. A third way is, making a financial budget item to allow for saving toward something special you would like to purchase for yourself. Another is, removing toxic people from your life when possible. Lastly, process your fear. This is one of the most freeing things you can do in an act of love for yourself. The fact of the matter is, you must learn to love you first. We cannot give what we do not have. If you don't love you, you can't fully love others. If you believe Christ dwells in us as individuals it's easier to grasp the concept of self-love. I love me because Christ is in me.

Jody McClure
AACC Life Coach