When It’s Not What You Want

Have you ever heard someone say, “I didn’t ask for this, I don’t want this!” From changes at work like new management or job duties or working environment, to your family dynamic or a relationship change to a cycling world of endless change. While situations and circumstances are not created equally, change of any kind can be hard, especially when you don’t want it.  However, might I suggest that it is not “change” it’s self that is so hard. After all, we make the decision to make changes all the time. People tend to deal with a change in circumstance or situation much easier when they are the one who initiated the change. Not to say those changes are always easy but they are easier to handle because the person is in control and sees a clear benefit to making the change. Change is the hardest for most people when the change is not of their own initiation as if forced upon and the change does not have an easily apparent benefit. Before I go further, I must make a distinction. Significant change like the unexpected loss of a loved one, a significant long-term relationship, or unexpected loss of long-time tenure at a company is far beyond dealing with just a change of situation or circumstance that was not wanted. In these cases, the brain is under so much stress with layers of emotion, that the following mindset coaching suggestions are not applicable, at least initially. It can take months or even longer to get to a mental state of being able to think the way I am proposing in this article. So how do you handle change that seems to be forced on you and unwanted. At first reaction, the change may seem to be ruining everything or a huge battle that now you must deal with. However, speaking from experience, sometimes these types of changes are actually setting you up for something you desire and want to happen. It’s just not easily seen that way initially when you don’t choose the timing or direction. People often just see the negative and focus on what they are losing instead of looking for better that could be coming. It’s a flip the script mindset. Instead of thinking, “This is being taken from me.”, flip it to “How could this be good for me?” My greatest example of this is when a client was asked to relocate to a different office building across town. There were tons of reasons this was not wanted, from inconvenient driving and added travel expense to how to deal with the child’s schedule as a single parent. The change was begrudgingly made, however, after a few sessions of mindset shift coaching and letting some time pass, another change happened. This one much more desirable and wanted. She met the love of her life. Someone she likely would have never crossed paths with if not for walking in and out of that building at the same time almost daily. Now, it’s not always that cool of an ending but if you believe in good and seek it most, it’s likely you’ll find it in some form or fashion in time. You just never know what great changes are right around the corner because of the change you didn’t want.